


he doesn't look a thing like jesus

by hanzios



Series: when you were young [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Archangel! Rafael, Archangels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, archangel rafael is just as sassy and obsessed with coffee, sonny is WHIPPED
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22210030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzios/pseuds/hanzios
Summary: The first time he summoned the archangel, Sonny was on his couch, reading a Wikipedia page about translated Hebrew transcripts from the Old Testament.
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: when you were young [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626055
Comments: 26
Kudos: 76





	he doesn't look a thing like jesus

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first barisi fanfic. it was fun writing these two together, especially in an au such as this one. 
> 
> the title (and most of the story's inspiration) comes from when you were young by the killers. an amazing song from an awesome band. go check it out!
> 
> i hope you enjoy what i made. kudos and comments are most welcome. :)

**i.**  
  


The first time he summoned the archangel, Sonny was on his couch, reading a Wikipedia page about translated Hebrew transcripts from the Old Testament.

It was one of those nights where the squad room at SVU was slow, and Sonny didn’t have to work overtime or do anything else after his hours. He’d gone to his apartment at 8PM with nothing to busy himself. Granted, he had a stack of assignments for Fordham stacked on his coffee table, but he wasn’t ready to tackle them just yet.

So, due to a mixture of interest and curiosity, Sonny found himself deep on a Wikipedia search that started with Googling Ryan Gosling’s net worth to ending up on one dark, weird hole of the internet. As one does.

His thick Staten Island accent went over the words on the page like dense honey, and after a few more sentences of a jumble of random worlds, his tongue punctuated with a name,

“ _Rafael_.”

All of a sudden, the lights on the ceiling started flickering wildly. Sonny bolted up, confused and slightly terrified, as he felt his entire apartment shake. He tried to run over to somewhere safe, but ended up tripping over a stack of books from beside his coffee table. With a thud, he fell on his ass on the carpeted floor. He remained in place, helpless.

After a strong gush of wind, the chaos stopped. His ceiling fan wasn’t swaying overhead anymore, and the fluorescent bulbs stopped blinking.

Sonny would’ve been relieved, if there wasn’t a man suddenly standing in the middle of his living room, looking around him with sharp eyes. Sonny couldn’t help but stare; the man was dressed in a pristine grey three-piece suit, with a bright yellow tie and matching pocket square. His salt and pepper hair was neat and combed to perfection, and his face… Sonny just gaped.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the man’s gaze landed on Sonny, who was still on the floor, palms tight on the carpet.

“You.” He cautiously walked behind the couch to where Sonny was. “You called?”

All he could get out was, “W-What?”

The man rolled his eyes, _hard_. “You know what you did, right?”

“I…” Sonny mumbled. “I don’t… How the _hell_ did you get in my apartment?”

He sighed, annoyed. The beautiful man held out his hand, and despite better judgement, Sonny took it, and allowed himself to be pulled up by strong arms. Now, standing, he didn’t look that much intimidating at all, especially since he was shorter than Sonny was. Still… this was a stranger who just teleported into his apartment at one in the morning. This was fucking weird.

“Since I must be right in my assumption that this was an accident,” the man started, green eyes staring daggers into Sonny. “I best be off. And don’t call for me again, will you?”

He started to turn around when Sonny finally found his voice, “Wait, who _are_ you?”

The man looked at him as if he grew three heads, as if _he_ was the one who just popped into someone’s apartment unannounced.

“For God’s sake,” he said, rolling his eyes yet again. “I’m the Archangel Rafael.”

And with that, Sonny blinked; the ground shook, the lights went wild, and the strange man was gone again.

**ii.**

Sonny tried to shove that odd encounter to deepest crevices of his mind as he continued his daily routine. He never told anyone about the incident – _nightmare_ , he reminded himself. And besides, who would he tell? His squad, who’d probably just laugh to his face? His sisters, who’d try to peg his weird dream to his unconscious trying to tell him to get a boyfriend?

No, the best thing to do was to act like nothing happened.

That lasted a week.

After a tough day at work (he worked at SVU, every day was tough), Sonny grabbed his laptop and plopped it on his dining table, right in the middle of his papers and law books. He opened the same webpage he had opened nights ago, and left it like that as he stood over the table.

While the lone Wikipedia page remained in the middle of his things, Sonny proceeded to do _anything_ but glance at the screen. He walked over to his small kitchen and prepared a small pasta meal for his dinner, taking out a pan and making Italian sauce over medium heat. Still, the thought of the odd angel just a few Hebrew words within his reach began nagging at his skull.

The sauce was still cooking when he grabbed a chair and sat in front of his laptop.

Why was he doing this again?

Oh, yes, to prove he wasn’t crazy.

“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself. How the hell is an incantation to summon an archangel even on a random Wikipedia page? None of it made sense. But before he could even talk himself out of it, he began reading the words on the screen. After a few more words that felt like nonsense, alas, he said the magic word,

“ _Rafael_.”

There was the same flickering of the lights, the same tremors on the ground, but Sonny remained on his seat, still at disbelief that this was happening at all. After a few more seconds of the chaos, “Rafael” appeared just beside the dinner table. He was wearing another three-piece suit, just as dapper as the last, but in a black and blue theme.

When he spotted Sonny, his face fell. “You again?”

This time, Sonny found his voice. “You’re real.”

“Of course I’m real. Didn’t your Catholic parents tell you to believe in angels?” There was a certain sarcasm and sharpness in his voice that didn’t quite fit an angel, let alone an _arch_ angel.

“I–“ Sonny didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he just stood up and held out his hand. He flashed Rafael a smile that he hoped didn’t betray his wildly beating heart. “I’m Dominick Carisi Jr. But everyone calls me Sonny.”

Rafael studied the hand, before raising a brow at Sonny. “I know. And don’t kid yourself, _nobody_ calls you Sonny.” He stepped beside Sonny towards the table, hands going over the pages of his old, tattered law books. Sonny was frozen in place as he watched Rafael – the _Archangel_ Rafael – scanning over his things like a disapproving professor.

Without turning to him or even blinking, Rafael said, “Your pasta’s overflowing.”

He was right. Sonny was too busy studying the angel that he forgot that he was even cooking. He ran to his stove and turned every knob off. Water started pouring down from the pot of where the pasta was boiling. One second more and his apartment would’ve turned to ash. As Sonny started cleaning up his mess, he turned to the dining room.

“Raf –“ The angel wasn’t there.

“Yes?” The sound of wings flapping beside him almost made Sonny drop the pot of pasta he was holding. He took a deep breath and found Rafael smirking beside him, seemingly enjoying Sonny making a fool of himself.

“Well,” Sonny said, transferring the pasta to a bowl and then grabbing a ladle. “I don’t know if you angels eat, but, I just made this and I was wondering… you know, if you wanted to try some. I swear, it tastes great.” He avoided looking at the angel as he talked, focusing on his dish, trying to sound nonchalant. But even without looking at him, he could feel Rafael smirking.

“Detective, did you summon me over for a date?”

Sonny almost choked on nothing, making Rafael snicker. He put one hand on his hip as the other continued to stir the sauce into the pasta. “Do you want the food or not?” he said, trying to sound annoyed.

“I must admit, no human has served me food before,” Rafael said, following Sonny into the dining room. The two of them helped in clearing the table. Rafael even offered to set the plates and glasses of water. After a few moments of comfortable silence, he spoke up again. “Oh, wait, I think I had wine in Samaria a few years after Jesus resurrected,” he added thoughtfully.

Sonny just smiled in spite of himself. As far as tough nights go, this one turned out okay.

**iii.**

“So how does this… archangel thing work?”

Sonny and Rafael are at a coffee shop a block away from Sonny’s apartment. After Sonny had introduced caffeine to the angel a few days back, Rafael became a bit obsessed with the drink. Despite being alive for thousands and thousands of years, he has never really indulged in human pleasures, he said. He mostly just watched.

Rafael was dressed in another three-piece suit (his tie matches the color of his eyes, Sonny noted), a black coat with fur collar over it. He looked small hunched over his cup of coffee, his frame slightly hidden by his coat. Sonny can’t help but smile fondly.

Rafael took a sip before shrugging. “Well, I mostly stay in Heaven,” he said, looking out the window. “I watch the Earth, I look at humanity. I can see every single crime, every single mistake, every _sin_.” He grimaced, and Sonny’s face softens. Their eyes finally meet, and Rafael looks vulnerable in the sunlight. He tried to change the mood as he continued, “Sometimes, though, I get summoned.” He motioned to Sonny.

Sonny smiled brightly. “That’s cool. How often?”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but the frustration seemed to be directed to Heaven. “Not as much as Gabriel and Michael,” he said bitterly. “I get calls once every few decades; meanwhile my brothers get to go to Earth every year, sometimes even more often than that.”

“Oh,” Sonny said. “You don’t strike me as the needy type, Raf.”

He rolled his eyes again, and this time it _was_ directed at Sonny. “First of all, it’s Rafael to you, _Carisi_.” Then, his expression relaxed. “And… I like to help people. I don’t enjoy sitting up there and just… watching things go sour for so many people.”

Sonny offered him a small smile before grabbing Rafael’s hand from across the table. The archangel looked startled, but never pull back.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll try to call you as much as I can. Don’t wanna leave one lonely angel up in Heaven, right?”

Rafael didn’t reply; but his lips began to tug upward into a genuine smile. This made Sonny’s heart swell. He watched the archangel, lingering his touch for a while more, before pulling his hand back and wrapping his hands around his own cup of coffee.

“Besides,” Sonny continued with a smirk. “Wouldn’t it be nice to brag to your brothers about how much you’re needed here on Earth?”

**iv.**

Sonny Carisi was a man who is always true to his word. Having memorized the incantation to call Rafael, he began praying for the angel every few days. Mostly it was on nights after work, when he was exhausted and in need of company or light banter. Rafael always delivered, fully equipped with sarcastic remarks and snide comments on how Sonny was decorating his apartment or living his life. Those comments made Sonny wonder if Rafael was always looking down on him on random times of the day. He didn't entertain the thought for too long; it was far too embarrassing to think about.

Other than casually lounging around Sonny's space, Rafael helped with his cases as well. Being full of wisdom, he often sat beside Sonny and brainstormed ideas with him on how to legally capture crooks who didn’t want to talk. If he was being honest, Sonny would say Rafael enjoyed the arrangement as much as he did. But he couldn’t say that in front of the angel. It would only make the thing happening between them more real.

So, Sonny kept his feelings closed.

When Sonny had his days off, Rafael would ask to go to hospitals. Sonny obliged. They spent countless hours walking along blinding white hallways of nearby hospitals, with Rafael running his fingers through doors and walls. Sonny never asked, but he knew the angel was performing small miracles. And after they’d gone through as much floors as they can without Sonny getting leg cramps, the two would go out for coffee. Brand new coffee shops every time. But Rafael’s favourite was the one near Sonny’s apartment; he said it felt like home.

Sonny’s chest burst at that.

One night, after an almost-brush with death at a dangerous shootout, Sonny returned to his apartment depressed and drained of all energy. He didn’t even get to kick off his shoes before jumping on his bed stomach-down.

He wasn’t even sure he was awake when he mumbled, “Raf…”

Instantly, the other side of his bed felt heavier. Smiling, he turned to find the angel – dark grey and pink for today – sitting on his bed with his back on the headboard, clean brown shoes lying neatly on top of Sonny’s blankets. He can see the angel’s pink and white striped socks. It was adorable, to say the least.

“That was quick,” Sonny commented.

Rafael just stared at him with one raised eyebrow. “I always come when you call.”

Sonny propped his elbow and pulled himself to a sitting position, both of the men’s shoulders pressed together. Rafael just watched him carefully.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m just tired, Rafael.”

As if on cue, Rafael put an arm around Sonny, and the younger man shifted so he can rest his head on the angel’s shoulder. He closed his eyes as Rafael began running his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp so thoroughly that Sonny almost forgot about ever being upset.

“What happened?” Rafael whispered onto Sonny’s hair.

“I shot someone,” Sonny replied.

“Oh.”

“A murderer. And the thing is… I liked it.” He sneered, disgusted by what he just said.

“…Oh.”

“I know I shouldn’t have enjoyed killing that son of a bitch,” Sonny continued, spite dripping from his tongue in a heavy accent. “But I did. It felt great. And I… I’m scared I’m turning into a bad person.”

Rafael hummed in his ears a sweet lullaby before speaking. “If you were a bad person, you wouldn’t be as worried about being one.”

Sonny pulled his head back slightly so that he could look at Rafael. Their faces are so close now; he could hear the other’s heartbeat, feel his breath on his lips. Rafael’s eyes this close are a sparkling chartreuse, and Sonny could swear he could almost see the lives the angel lived through those beautiful greens. Before he could even stop himself, Sonny leaned forward and captured the other man in a soft, chaste kiss. He let out a moan when he found Rafael’s mouth moving with his, hands pressed on the back of his head.

When they parted, Sonny said into Rafael’s mouth,

“I think you’re the answer to my prayers.”

Rafael smiled and pressed their foreheads together before kissing him again.

**v.**

“How would Heaven feel about… this?”

Sonny motioned to the small distance between him and Rafael. His head was resting on the angel’s lap, as Rafael’s feet are propped up on the coffee table. They’re both in Sonny’s sweaters; Rafael is wearing his grey Fordham one, hair a bit messy from what they’d done a few minutes prior.

The angel smiled down at him as he stroked his gel-free hair. “My brothers have fallen in love with humans before, so it’s nothing new,” he murmured. “God told us to love His creation, and I’m doing just that.”

Sonny’s heart did a weird flip when Rafael inadvertently told him he loved him. He smirked, clicking his tongue. “Do you tell that to all the humans you bang?”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Believe it or not, you’re the first one.”

“Really? In thousands and thousands of years?”

“Yes.” He said, sure. After a small silence, he added, “I think my heart has always been waiting for you.”

Sonny felt his throat constrict as Rafael looked down on him with sincerity in his eyes. Voice slightly shaking, he smiled, joking, “Angel, if you say more things like that, I’m gonna have to kiss you.”

Rafael’s eyes flickered, the corner of his lips twitching. “Maybe that’s why I’m saying them.”

Without missing a beat, Sonny grabbed the back of Rafael’s neck and pulled him to his level. He felt the angel’s eyes flutter shut as their mouths met in a passionate kiss, like two galaxies colliding in endless space, or oddly shaped puzzle pieces that took a thousand decades to find its match. Or an archangel and detective in the heart of New York City.

Sonny wouldn’t be able to run out of words to say when it comes to his angel.

So he stopped thinking, and deepened the kiss.

**vi.**

Sonny’s heart was beating out of his chest as he maneuvered along the empty hallways of the abandoned house. His footsteps were slow and steady, his eyes sharply in line of the gun he’s holding up. From the first floor kitchen, he could hear muffled cries somewhere overhead. Carefully, Sonny walked across the room towards the stairs, back against the wall.

“Carisi, be careful,” Lieutenant Benson said into Sonny’s earpiece. “We got a sniper on his back. Don’t do anything drastic.” He nodded.

“Copy that, Lieu.”

As he ascended the dust-clad steps, the crying drew closer. Sonny almost reached the top of the stairs when he heard a loud _bang_ echo in his ears, just as a sharp pain tore through his chest. He fell back, rolling down the stairs, clutching his bleeding flesh. He didn’t have a chance to hear the sniper break through the glass and enter the suspect’s skull; didn’t hear the yelling from his earpiece.

Sonny’s vision blurred as the pain intensified. He tried to stay awake as a bunch of footsteps came near him. All he could remember was mumbling a prayer – a _name_ – before blacking out.

Meanwhile, up in Heaven, just as Sonny got shot, a dark-winged archangel’s chest seared with pain. Rafael didn’t waste a second before falling back to Earth.

+

When Rafael arrived on Earth in his usual attire, he appeared in front of an old house in the middle of the woods. There were police cars and ambulances parked within the empty lot, a herd of people chattering and running around to and from the wooden house.

Panicked, he ran towards the crowd, his feet always knowing where to take him. He found a familiar body on one of the stretchers as paramedics started to mount it up one of the ambulances. Before he could come closer, a hand stopped him.

Rafael recognized her. She was one of Sonny’s colleagues.

“Excuse me, sir, you can’t be here,” she said, tone authoritative yet soft.

Rafael put a hand on her shoulder, and whispered shakily, “I’m his friend.”

Rollins’ hand immediately dropped, eyes glassy from Rafael’s angelic touch. He didn’t enjoy performing these types of spells on humans, but he couldn’t handle not seeing Sonny for one more second. He skipped towards the stretcher, and his heart fell when he saw the state Sonny was in.

His eyes were shut, an oxygen mask over his face. If the scene wasn’t so gory, he would’ve looked peaceful. There was a bloody mess on his chest, soaking the sheets of the stretcher. Unable to form words, Rafael entered the ambulance with him, holding his hand as if holding on for dear life. Tears threatened to prick from his eyes. He held Sonny close to him as the engine revved, bringing the back of Sonny’s hand to his lips.

Still, as an angel, he felt helpless. There were only a handful of times he could perform miracles before he burnt out, and he’d used most of it curing strangers on his and Sonny’s hospital visits. Guilt consumed Rafael’s stomach as he selfishly wanted to take those miracles back, just to keep Sonny alive.

+

Rafael followed Sonny until the doctors told him to step back. He could’ve enchanted them into making him stay, but for the first time in so long, he felt _weak_. He sank down into one of the hospital chairs near the operating room, as people buzzed around the hallways.

Many of Sonny’s colleagues and fellow officers were waiting with Rafael, chatting among each other in hushed voices. Through eyes blurred with unfallen tears, he saw Sonny’s boss, Lieutenant Benson, turning to look at him. She excused herself from the other detectives before walking towards Rafael.

He quickly wiped his eyes with his tan coat, standing up as she approached.

“I don’t think I know you,” she said, voice low and comforting. They shook hands.

“I’m Rafael,” he said. “I’m, uh… Sonny’s friend.”

Benson nodded, unconvinced. “I’m sorry this happened.”

“It’s not your fault,” Rafael quickly said.

The lieutenant offered a smile. “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

He nodded slowly, sinking back onto his chair. When she came back with coffee, as promised, Rafael didn’t drink it; he only stared at the brown liquid intensely. His fingers were shivering around the Styrofoam cup, as flashes of memories echoed in his head.

Rafael thought of various coffee dates around the city, Sonny’s running commentary on the various drinks they tried together; he thought of long nights holed up in Sonny’s apartment, light banter firing back and forth over stacks of legal paperwork; he thought of skin on skin, lips on lips, and the warmth on his chest as Sonny whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

He thought of dimpled smiles and bright blue eyes and _kindness_.

For thousands of years, Rafael was surrounded by people falling in love. He watched lives and families form from his view in the clouds. He watched even his brothers and sisters dance around with humans, and falling in love. Some part of him always craved for that for himself. He’d always felt hollow, even as he spent days and nights in literal Heaven. And after a while, he thought he would never find that type of love for himself.

Until one night, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, Rafael heard someone praying for him – sloppy sentences, butchered pronunciations, and a thick New York accent. He won’t admit it, but even then, his celestial soul knew that it had found its match. It just took a while for his mind to catch up with the idea.

Rafael, for the first time, had fallen in love _._

Like a statue, he remained in his position for what felt like forever. When Rafael finally drank his coffee, it was cold and stale. It didn’t remind him of his favourite coffee – the one Sonny once made for him in his apartment. He thought about whether he’d ever get to taste Sonny’s coffee again.

Rafael pushed the morbid thought away. It didn’t belong in this world.

Instead, he downed the awful drink and threw the cup away. He felt a pair of eyes watching him as he walked along the busy halls. Rafael never liked hospitals, not at all. After a while, he found what he was looking for: a small chapel tucked in a corner of the same floor. It was small, with five pews and a well-decorated altar at the center. He always enjoyed how beautiful humans decorated their places of worship.

Slowly, Rafael sank down on one of the kneelers and entwined his hands in prayer.

_Father…_

His words came out shivering, and before he could utter anything else, the dam came bursting through. Rafael’s shoulders shook violently as tears ran down his face, into his conjoined fingers. Quietly, he let himself feel the pain, feel the emotions that came with loving someone so deeply. And when he was sure he’d used up all his tears, he continued with a shaky breath,

_Save him. I would do anything just for You to save him._

_I have saved countless of lives on my time on Earth; performed great miracles. But why can’t I save… why can’t I save just this one? Just him? I – I know it sounds selfish and self-serving._

_But I’d sin a million times over for him._

Rafael pondered quietly, an array of thoughts running over his head, before finally continuing through light tears.

_I would leave him alone. I’d never come for him again, I promise, my Father. Just let him live. Let him forget about me, and forget about everything, and continue living his life._

_He deserves to find happiness._

_Even if it’s without me._

After that, Rafael murmured some personal Latin prayers; prayers he’d learned from living up in Heaven. He prayed sincerely, baring his soul into every syllable, knowing his Father was listening, and He was listening intently.

When Rafael finished, he pressed his lips on the feet of Jesus on the crucifix before leaving the sacred chapel. His heart felt heavy as he walked back towards the waiting area outside the operating room. A doctor had emerged from the doors when Rafael arrived, talking to Benson and the rest of Sonny’s squad.

“… he’s going to pull through. _It’s a miracle._ ”

Benson’s eyes met his, and she gave him a warm smile. Rafael merely nodded curtly, forcing a smile that never came. He watched as the doctor retreated back into the room, and for a moment, he could see Sonny’s body in the middle of it all. Rafael’s head tilted skywards.

_Thank you, Father._

After one last gaze, Rafael started walking away from the room.

From Sonny.

From _everything_.

**vii.**

It’s officially been a month since Sonny had a brush with death. To be honest, he couldn’t quite remember much of the incident. Except that it hurt… really bad. He had to stay at the hospital for two weeks before he was allowed to get back to his own apartment. Since then, his sisters had made it their duty to keep him company every night, bringing him baked goods and Italian pasta and his little nieces.

Still, Lieutenant Benson forbade him to come back until a week later, and Sonny was getting antsy just sitting around on his couch and watching TV.

Something odd has been happening, though. Sonny thinks he hit his head _hard_ when he fell down the stairs, because there were moments in which he stared emptily into space, expecting something to suddenly pop up.

Once, on his first night back home, he found his grey Fordham shirt sprawled across his bed. He didn’t remember ever leaving that there. And he was sure he didn’t own cologne that smelled like soft, sweet, expensive flowers.

There was another night where he was cooking his favourite pasta dish for his sisters. He left the pasta boiling for too long that water had started to overflow into the stove. Instead of turning it off, Sonny just stared at the running water, a hollow feeling in his chest.

Sonny was recovering – recovering fast, actually – but he felt like something was _missing_.

When he shared that to his doctor at one of their weekly check-ups, she just attributed it to the effect of the trauma he endured. She assured him he’d feel better mentally, eventually. And if not, a therapist wouldn’t hurt. Sonny didn’t entertain the idea. He just shrugged it off and continued with his life, ignoring the random missing pieces in his brain.

Sonny dragged himself into church one Sunday, when he was feeling much better and didn’t need his crutches to walk. The moment he stepped foot into the sacred building, a strange wholeness wafted over him. His breath hitched, and when he exhaled, all of Sonny’s muscles relaxed. For the first time in a long while, he felt _good_.

He felt so good and whole and new that he could barely listen to the priest’s prayers and homily. His eyes kept darting around the church as if he was experiencing it for the first time, examining with sharp eyes every wooden pew, every cross on the wall, every face in the crowd. Sonny was so busy staring daggers onto the back of a poor man’s head when he heard the priest say,

“…And the archangel Rafael was sent down to heal the Earth. From what? Well, to heal us from the evils of the fallen angels…”

Sonny stopped.

“Rafael,” he whispered, the syllables rolling over his tongue perfectly. “ _Rafael_ …” The name felt good on his mouth. He half-expected something magical to happen.

He tried to put two and two together. But it was like scraping at dirt for treasure that wasn’t there. Sonny tried his darnest to remember where he’d heard a Rafael, met a Rafael, but he just couldn’t. All he was left with was the feeling of emptiness once again, like a thick fog that was covering him from the light of day.

After the mass ended, Sonny stayed behind in his seat. The crowd dissipated. Only a few remained.

He knelt down and took his rosary from his pocket. Sonny held it dearly between his interlaced fingers, closing his eyes as he started his prayer. But this time, his prayer wasn’t directed at God. It was addressed to Rafael, the Archangel of Healing.

As Sonny prayed softly for his recovery and health, the aforementioned angel was listening intently from his home in Heaven. Rafael closed his eyes as he savoured every single word that came from Sonny’s mouth. He could feel himself smiling as the man talked about his family, his squad, and how grateful he was for their love and support. Sonny rambled on and on about doctor visits and physical therapy and going back to SVU, inserting small jokes here and there.

Rafael could live with this.

He could listen to Sonny pray to him until the dead of night.

He could listen to his stories and his life, and he could pretend that he was there in his apartment, stroking the man’s soft hair. Rafael allowed himself to indulge.

He could live with this.

Because it’s all he’s ever going to get.

_End._


End file.
